


Sometimes Life is so Bittersweet

by jellytea



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-22
Updated: 2011-08-22
Packaged: 2017-10-22 23:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/243569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellytea/pseuds/jellytea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendall, Logan, and James all had their way of dealing with heartbreak, and they were determined to do their best-friend-ly duty and help Carlos get over his ex-girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Carrie Underwood's "Starts with Goodbye."  
> Fic is based off the lyrics of BTR's "'Til I Forget About You."

It's expected of a rock star to get thoroughly trashed on his 21st birthday. Unfortunately, because of Roque Records' insistence on keeping their money-making dream machine on the public's good side until the boys are firmly in their mid-20s and close to the end of their career, and because of Carlos' fear of being on the tail end of Mama Knight's disapproving stare, he couldn't even get properly drunk after being dumped for the third time.

After the first two girlfriend-less years at the Palmwoods, Carlos slowly overcame his clumsy attempts at talking to girls, and with help from Kelly, went on a few non-disastrous dates. And then got a reputation as the sweetest boy in Hollywood. Which was great, because Carlos was awesome at being an attentive boyfriend, but it apparently made girls either expect 100% of his attention 100% of the time, or made girls think they could treat him like crap and cheat on him and get away with it. And then Maggie did both of those things. Out of the blue, she had called him at three in the morning, and at first he didn't understand a word she was saying because she was crying so hard and hiccuping every other word. But he heard "sorry" and "drunk" and "another boy," and his heart stopped. He felt like he was having an out-of-body experience, as he slowly asked her to stop crying and tell him what the hell was going on. She admitted that she was tired of being jealous and paranoid whenever Big Time Rush went on tour, and that, as his girlfriend, she shouldn't have to watch him pay more attention to his band mates than to her, and that tonight she had gone out clubbing with her friends and she had gotten free drinks from this boy and then she'd gotten drunk and - Carlos made her stop talking at that point.

He hit the "end" button on his cellphone and stared at the screen. He couldn't move. He was sitting in an awkward position in bed, and the arm that was holding him up started to ache, but he couldn't move. It was only when James mumbled something in his sleep and turned over, rustling the covers, that Carlos snapped out of his daze and flopped onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

He spent the next few days in bed, refusing to get up, hoping that if he stayed in bed long enough, he would wake up from this awful dream. He had really liked Maggie. She was funny and she liked sports and she was adorable trying to learn how to skate and she knew how to make corndogs from scratch. She'd been perfect.

Bitch.

On Saturday, Kendall, Logan, and James burst into his room.

"Get up," Kendall ordered, whipping Carlos' blanket off of him and stuffing it into a laundry bag. "It's been three days. And James refuses to sleep in here anymore because you're starting to smell."

Carlos made a little moaning noise and threw his arm up over his eyes. He felt someone shake his leg.

"You are going to take a shower. And then I'm taking you shopping. For shoes," Logan said.

"And then we're going out," Kendall chimed in.

"And getting drunk off our asses!" James shouted. "Doesn't that sound fun?"

"Leave me alone," Carlos groaned.

The three other boys looked at each other and nodded. Kendall managed to pry Carlos' cellphone away from him and threw it over his shoulder, ignoring Carlos' outraged cry. Logan and James lunged at the miserable, dirty, smelly boy and hauled him up onto their shoulders, carrying him to the bathroom. They dumped him into the tub, clothes and all, and Kendall turned on the shower full-blast.

"Hey!" Carlos yelped. "I AM WEARING CLOTHES, YOU DICKS!"

"Well, those needed to get washed too," James said brightly. "We are heading out in thirty minutes. MOVE IT!"

Kendall, Logan, and James all had their ways of dealing with heartbreak, and they were determined to do their duty as best friends and help Carlos get over Maggie.

  
And so, at eleven o' clock at night, Carlos found himself standing with James, Logan, and Kendall inside a dark bar, wearing the new jacket Logan had bought for him, techno music blasting through the speakers, so loud that Carlos could feel the beat thrumming inside his chest. 

"I'll get us drinks!" Kendall shouted over the music, grabbing Logan by the back of his shirt and dragging him over to the crowded bar. James nodded and maneuvered Carlos over to the closest table.

Carlos leaned back in the booth, staring out at room, looking at all the couples sitting too close together or dancing too close together. James saw the way his lips tightened and was grateful when Kendall and Logan came back to the table, drinks in hand. Carlos grabbed one and threw half of it down his throat. James' eyes widened and he looked over at Kendall. They all knew that Carlos was a lightweight, and that he usually nursed one or two drinks over the course of a night.

"Carlos - do you want to talk about it?" Logan asked gently.

"What's there to talk about?" Carlos mumbled, finishing the rest of his drink in two swallows. "I'm the sweetest boyfriend in Hollywood. That gives girls license to screw me over. It's not like it's the first time." He savagely stabbed his straw at the ice cubes in his glass. "I think I liked it better when I couldn't get a girlfriend. At least then I didn't have to deal with all this shit."

Carlos never swore.

"I'm going to get another drink," he announced, sliding out of the booth and determinedly making his way over to the bar.

Two and a half hours later, Carlos was still sucking down endless glasses of Jack and Coke. Or actually, just straight Jack. He'd moved on from Jack and Coke his fifth round in. Logan had been yawning by the time it was 1 and had said sorry over and over again but he was exhausted and he had to go. Kendall had gone with him, because he'd only had two mixed drinks, and he was the only one who could drive without wrapping the car around a streetlight. James had nodded and said he'd stay with Carlos, to keep him from drowning in liquor, and that they'd catch a cab back.

James took a slug of his beer, never taking his eyes off of Carlos, and silently imagined Maggie all kinds of pain. He'd never liked her. She was worse than the Jennifers - she'd been too intent on changing Carlos from the hyper, sweatshirt-wearing, helmet-donning, overgrown kid, into a suit-wearing, fedora-wearing grownup who she wanted to show off. In fact, he hadn't liked Audrey or Elise either. They were girls who had latched onto the most harmless guy in the band, who hadn't realized that Carlos wouldn't stop wearing his helmet or cannon-balling into the pool or chasing down ice cream trucks or getting excited about a new video game that was released or breaking anything he touched or throwing down anything he was doing to hang out with Logan, Kendall or James.

Everytime he had seen Carlos with one of his girlfriends - at the pool, holding hands, kissing, laughing, sprawled out in the Palmwoods lobby - his heart did this painful little jump and he couldn't breathe.

But now it was just the two of them. The bar was almost empty, and the booth offered them a little bit of privacy. There were no girls, no Palmwoods, no band, nothing that would keep him from doing this.

James got up from his side of the booth and slid into the seat next to Carlos, who was slumped over the table, playing with the straw in his cup. He tugged at Carlos' shoulder until Carlos blearily looked up at him. And he couldn't help it. Carlos was looking so sad, and so defeated - James leaned over and gently pressed his lips to the corner of Carlos' mouth. Carlos pulled back, startled.

"Are you kissing me because you feel bad for me? Or because you want me to forget Maggie?" Carlos whispered.

"I'm kissing you because - because -" and what could he say? That he'd been waiting for Carlos to get rid of Maggie, for Carlos to look at him the way he was looking at him now, for Carlos to realize that the reason why James never, ever had a girlfriend, just a string of dates, was because James had realized, a long time ago, when they had still been in Minnesota, that for James, there was only ever Carlos? He blurted out, "because. It's your birthday. And I hate Maggie." What the hell? He was an _idiot_.

"Okay," Carlos said, after a pause. He smiled a little and pressed closer to James. "Thanks." He said it as if he understood what James had really wanted to say, had been too chicken to say out loud. He slipped one hand up to curl around James' neck and kissed him back, mouth open and warm. 


	2. Commentary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've seen this done before, and I thought it's really interesting, because it lets me explain, kind of, the final product of fic. Anyway. Anything in bold is my commentary, and everything else is the fic, intact.

**I hate titles. I am horrible at them and I've just started to take random lyrics from songs I happen to be listening to, but that's going to get repetitive real fast because lately I only really listen to BTR, Demi Lovato, and Aly & AJ. So. I need to get creative.**

It's expected of a rock star to get thoroughly trashed on his 21st birthday. **Yeah. I've written several fic that have the boys drinking and set in showverse and they're 16, but I figured, they're smart enough not to frequent bars and clubs until they're 21, so that's what I'm going with. And now that I'm re-reading this, I have no idea why I went with the whole 21st birthday idea. It seemed cute, but like with my problems with titles, I suck at introductions and endings of the things I write. This is what makes me a horrible English major. Bah.**   Unfortunately, because of Roque Records' insistence on keeping their money-making dream machine on the public's good side until the boys are firmly in their mid-20s and close to the end of their career, and because of Carlos' fear of being on the tail end of Mama Knight's disapproving stare, he couldn't even get properly drunk after being dumped for the third time. **I feel like all of this is wholly plausible. And I put this little section in to make sure that y'all know this is set in showverse, not rps. And because Mama Knight is too awesome not to make a slight appearance.**

After the first two girlfriend-less years at the Palmwoods, Carlos slowly overcame his clumsy attempts at talking to girls, and with help from Kelly, went on a few non-disastrous dates. **Like Mama Knight, Kelly is awesome. And the boys suck at helping Carlos get a girl, so who other then Kelly can step in and give Carlos some pointers? And even though there are a lot of episodes and throwaway mentions of Carlos not being able to get and keep a girl, come on. That boy is adorable. And if he steps up to the plate, and puts himself out there, no girl can say no. Exhibit A: the girl who's supposedly out of his league during that time he depended on the parrot to give him life advice. Exhibit B: Jennifer Wood.** **And while I was writing this I totally blanked about Stephanie. Because she was like a female Carlos.** And then got a reputation as the sweetest boy in Hollywood. Which was great, because Carlos was awesome at being an attentive boyfriend, but it apparently made girls either expect 100% of his attention 100% of the time, or made girls think they could treat him like crap and cheat on him and get away with it. And then Maggie did both of those things. **You have no idea how hard it was to think of a name. I kept thinking of typical names like Samantha and Carolyn, but there's that whole thing with Sammy Droke that I really didn't want to start up, and Carolyn seemed too similar with Carlos so that was out. So I went with Maggie. Which I'm still not totally happy about.** Out of the blue, she had called him at three in the morning, and at first he didn't understand a word she was saying because she was crying so hard and hiccuping every other word. But he heard "sorry" and "drunk" and "another boy," and his heart stopped. He felt like he was having an out-of-body experience, as he slowly asked her to stop crying and tell him what the hell was going on. She admitted that she was tired of being jealous and paranoid whenever Big Time Rush went on tour, and that, as his girlfriend, she shouldn't have to watch him pay more attention to his band mates than to her, and that tonight she had gone out clubbing with her friends and she had gotten free drinks from this boy and then she'd gotten drunk and - Carlos made her stop talking at that point. **Because the boys are really touchy feely and even though we haven't really seen many showverse interviews (besides the adorkable ones in Welcome Back Big Time), I'm assuming they would be just as boyfriend formation-y and lack of personal space as the real life interviews are. And even as I was writing this I realized that I made Maggie really bitchy. Which is kind of disconcerting, but I just wanted to make a big contrast between her (and Carlos' other girlfriends) and James, who is always there for him and is his best friend and who really gets him.**

He hit the "end" button on his cellphone and stared at the screen. He couldn't move. He was sitting in an awkward position in bed, and the arm that was holding him up started to ache, but he couldn't move. It was only when James mumbled something in his sleep and turned over, rustling the covers, that Carlos snapped out of his daze and flopped onto his back, staring at the ceiling. **James and Carlos share a room. That's canon, right?**

He spent the next few days in bed, refusing to get up, hoping that if he stayed in bed long enough, he would wake up from this awful dream. **This sentence really arose from having watched too many HIMYM episodes in a row, and having the first episode of season 2 stark in my mind.** He had really liked Maggie. She was funny and she liked sports and she was adorable trying to learn how to skate and she knew how to make corndogs from scratch. **Because I am attempting to make corndogs from scratch, so it's on the brain.** She'd been perfect. **Even though Carlos is 21 now, and he understands that his perfect girl wouldn't run into him holding a hockey stick in one hand and a corndog in the other, he still has a soft spot for any girl who at least tries at the things he likes.**

Bitch. **Agh! No! Close to the end, I wrote that Carlos never swore - he seems like he wouldn't. Not unless he was in the throes of passionate sex heh heh - but here I had him call Maggie a bitch. Sigh. Maybe I should've put a sarcastic "perfect" in here? I don't know. Or just have segued onto the next line? Meh.**

On Saturday, Kendall, Logan, and James burst into his room.

"Get up," Kendall ordered, whipping Carlos' blanket off of him and stuffing it into a laundry bag. "It's been three days. And James refuses to sleep in here anymore because you're starting to smell."

Carlos made a little moaning noise and threw his arm up over his eyes. He felt someone shake his leg.

"You are going to take a shower. And then I'm taking you shopping. For shoes," Logan said. **This is my dorky reference to each boy's part in the song, and the little summary bit. Logan spends money like nobody's business, and he wants to help Carlos, so he does what he knows.**

"And then we're going out," Kendall chimed in. **Same with Kendall. Kendall just goes out and dances and stays out until he can convince himself he didn't really care about the girl he'd been with. I feel like at this point, if he and Jo stayed together, that'd be incredible. So I took out a whole thing about Jo coming along with the boys, and also, this is a boys night, so, no.**

"And getting drunk off our asses!" James shouted. "Doesn't that sound fun?" **And James didn't have a solo in the song, so I just went with what one half of the Super Party Kings of Hollywood would probably do/say. And the lack of solo singing is what makes me bring up the point later on about James never really having a (serious) girlfriend, and, therefore, not having a section in the song.**

"Leave me alone," Carlos groaned.

The three other boys looked at each other and nodded. Kendall managed to pry Carlos' cellphone away from him and threw it over his shoulder, ignoring Carlos' outraged cry. **This sentence was actually the very first thing I had written for the fic.** Logan and James lunged at the miserable, dirty, smelly boy and hauled him up onto their shoulders, carrying him to the bathroom. **Callback to Big Time Mansion! Yay. Cuz that scene was hot, ngl.** They dumped him into the tub, clothes and all, and Kendall turned on the shower full-blast. **This would so be what the boys would do.**

"Hey!" Carlos yelped. "I AM WEARING CLOTHES, YOU DICKS!" **This is not swearing. Nope.**

"Well, those needed to get washed too," James said brightly. "We are heading out in thirty minutes. MOVE IT!"

Kendall, Logan, and James all had their ways of dealing with heartbreak, and they were determined to do their duty as best friends and help Carlos get over Maggie.

 **This was a horrible transition. Apologies.**  
And so, at eleven o' clock at night, Carlos found himself standing with James, Logan, and Kendall inside a dark bar, wearing the new jacket Logan had bought for him, techno music blasting through the speakers, so loud that Carlos could feel the beat thrumming inside his chest. 

"I'll get us drinks!" Kendall shouted over the music, grabbing Logan by the back of his shirt and dragging him over to the crowded bar. James nodded and maneuvered Carlos over to the closest table.

Carlos leaned back in the booth, staring out at room, looking at all the couples sitting too close together or dancing too close together. **Carlos is emoting.** James saw the way his lips tightened and was grateful when Kendall and Logan came back to the table, drinks in hand. Carlos grabbed one and threw half of it down his throat. James' eyes widened and he looked over at Kendall. They all knew that Carlos was a lightweight, and that he usually nursed one or two drinks over the course of a night. **Artistic license, I figured that both Carlos and Logan are lightweights. And Kendall gets ridiculous when he drinks. And James can hold his liquor best of all.**

"Carlos - do you want to talk about it?" Logan asked gently.

"What's there to talk about?" Carlos mumbled, finishing the rest of his drink in two swallows. "I'm the sweetest boyfriend in Hollywood. That gives girls license to screw me over. It's not like it's the first time." He savagely stabbed his straw at the ice cubes in his glass. "I think I liked it better when I couldn't get a girlfriend. At least then I didn't have to deal with all this shit."

Carlos never swore. **Right. This section sucks. But I don't do angst. I can't. So, this was my best shot at it. ::cowers::**

"I'm going to get another drink," he announced, sliding out of the booth and determinedly making his way over to the bar.

Two and a half hours later, Carlos was still sucking down endless glasses of Jack and Coke. **This drink is in here only because I love it so much. So I just made Carlos like it for the benefit of this fic.** Or actually, just straight Jack. He'd moved on from Jack and Coke his fifth round in. Logan had been yawning by the time it was 1 and had said sorry over and over again but he was exhausted and he had to go. Kendall had gone with him, because he'd only had two mixed drinks, and he was the only one who could drive without wrapping the car around a streetlight. **Yeah...awkward, but I couldn't think of any other reason why Kendall and Logan would be gone for the last part of the fic. And I didn't want them not to be there at all, because the boys hang out together. And go out together. And help their bro in trouble together.** James had nodded and said he'd stay with Carlos, to keep him from drowning in liquor, and that they'd catch a cab back.

James took a slug of his beer, never taking his eyes off of Carlos, and silently imagined Maggie all kinds of pain. **And this is when I switch, kind of, into James' POV.** He'd never liked her. She was worse than the Jennifers - she'd been too intent on changing Carlos from the hyper, sweatshirt-wearing, helmet-donning, overgrown kid, into a suit-wearing, fedora-wearing grownup who she wanted to show off. **Because, damn, Carlos can pull off a suit.** In fact, he hadn't liked Audrey or Elise either. They were girls who had latched onto the most harmless guy in the band, who hadn't realized that Carlos wouldn't stop wearing his helmet or cannon-balling into the pool or chasing down ice cream trucks or getting excited about a new video game that was released or breaking anything he touched or throwing down anything he was doing to hang out with Logan, Kendall or James. **And, again, this paragraph is a little harsh on the girls Carlos had dated, but I just wanted to make clear that JAMES AND CARLOS LOVE EACH OTHER AND ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.**

Everytime he had seen Carlos with one of his girlfriends - at the pool, holding hands, kissing, laughing, sprawled out in the Palmwoods lobby - his heart did this painful little jump and he couldn't breathe.

But now it was just the two of them. The bar was almost empty, and the booth offered them a little bit of privacy. There were no girls, no Palmwoods, no band, nothing that would keep him from doing this.

James got up from his side of the booth and slid into the seat next to Carlos, who was slumped over the table, playing with the straw in his cup. He tugged at Carlos' shoulder until Carlos blearily looked up at him. And he couldn't help it. Carlos was looking so sad, and so defeated - James leaned over and gently pressed his lips to the corner of Carlos' mouth. **CORNER OF HIS MOUTH? BLEGH. WHY DO I EVEN ATTEMPT TO WRITE? This is horrible. Argh. James kisses Carlos full on the mouth. That is what I meant.** Carlos pulled back, startled.

"Are you kissing me because you feel bad for me? Or because you want me to forget Maggie?" Carlos whispered.

"I'm kissing you because - because -" and what could he say? That he'd been waiting for Carlos to get rid of Maggie, for Carlos to look at him the way he was looking at him now, for Carlos to realize that the reason why James never, ever had a girlfriend, just a string of dates, was because James had realized, a long time ago, when they had still been in Minnesota, that for James, there was only ever Carlos? **Attempt at backstory.** He blurted out, "because. It's your birthday. And I hate Maggie." **And here is the little bit about Carlos' birthday, which, looking back, was really unnecessary. But the fic was getting away from me, and I needed to tie things up. So this is what I did. I should really find a beta.** What the hell? He was an _idiot_.

"Okay," Carlos said, after a pause. He smiled a little and pressed closer to James. "Thanks." He said it as if he understood what James had really wanted to say, had been too chicken to say out loud. He slipped one hand up to curl around James' neck and kissed him back, mouth open and warm. **I tried my hardest not to make James seem like a rebound, because he's not. James and Carlos are OTP. And they get each other.** **I DON'T KNOW HOW TO END FIC unless it's abruptly, apparently. Facepalm.**

**Author's Note:**

> DVD-like commentary follows.


End file.
